We love to talk about leadership. Books. Podcasts. Conferences. TED Talks. Leadership styles. Emotional intelligence. Vision casting. Culture building.
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But here’s a question we don’t ask nearly enough:

‍What if the biggest leadership issue in your organization is sitting in your chair right now?

Not the market.
Not your team.
Not your budget.
You.

‍Tough to hear? Maybe.
But necessary to wrestle? Absolutely.

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The leadership crisis we’re not naming …

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After spending years inside Fortune 500 hallways, scrappy startups, faith-fueled non-profits, manufacturing giants, and idea-driven agencies, here’s what I’ve learned:

Yes, culture does eat strategy for lunch. But leaders have a choice: feed it or starve it.

‍I’ve seen incredible leaders in action. I’ve also seen the kind of leadership that quietly drains the life out of a room, a team, and an entire culture.
Here’s the uncomfortable truth:

‍Leadership isn’t necessarily failing because of a lack of strategy. It’s failing because of a lack of courage.

Two dangerous leadership defaults have been normalized:

‍Passive Leadership — Indecisive, conflict-avoidant, and always "keeping the peace" at the expense of clarity (and progress).
Controlling Leadership — Defensive, rigid, emotionally volatile, and allergic to feedback.

One leads with silence. The other leads with fear. Both kill culture. Slowly.

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‍Are you leading or performing?

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Let’s be honest: Most people in leadership positions didn’t get there because they were great leaders. They got there because they were great performers in their role.

Here’s the problem: performing and leading are not the same thing.
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Performers protect their image. Leaders build trust.
Performers want to be liked. Leaders are willing to be misunderstood for the sake of what’s right.
Performers avoid tough conversations. Leaders initiate them – even when it’s awkward.

And here’s the kicker: if you don’t know which one you are, you better believe your team does.

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If you want to know the culture, follow the cracks

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Every organization has a culture. The way people are treated and how work gets done. It’s in the emails, at the coffee machine, in the organizational air you breathe. Sometimes intentionally built, and sometimes not. 

Do you want to know what yours is?

Ask these questions:

- What behaviors actually get rewarded here? Are we affirming positive behaviors? Or are we tending to squeaky wheels? 
- Do character and exceeding expectations determine promorions or is it “the shoulds” and organizational politics?
- What happens when someone speaks up? Are they listened to and encouraged or shut down, shunned, and penalized?
- Who fits in … and who doesn’t? Only the people who think, look, and behave like you? Or the person whose values are aligned, is coachable, and whose abilities are complementary to the team?

The answers might sting. That’s okay. Pain is a sign that you’re paying attention.

Culture doesn’t break overnight. It cracks in silence. One ignored blind spot at a time. One unspoken tension at a time. One leader choosing comfort over clarity… at a time.

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What if you don’t need another framework?

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We’re obsessed with frameworks: 4 quadrants … 5 levels … 7 habits. There is nothing wrong with those – but they won’t fix what you refuse to face. Breakthrough doesn't come from more knowledge. It comes from honesty. The truth. You don’t need another framework or strategy. Consider letting go of passivity or control and instead finding your courage.

What would it look like if you stopped listening to podcasts about strategy and simply started being honest (with yourself)? 

Ask yourself:
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- Where am I shrinking back instead of stepping up?
- What am I avoiding because it’s easier not to deal with?
- Who around me is silently frustrated but afraid to speak?
- What kind of culture am I actually creating?

Because here’s the thing: If you can’t see the problem, you might be the problem.
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And you can’t fix what you won’t face.

What is your current normal leadership operating system? Are you passive, controlling, or courageous? And, most importantly, how is that working for you? 

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The Challenge: the man in the mirror 

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So here’s the real question—one that might matter more than any business goal you’ve set this year:

Are you leading … or are you managing an image?

One is hard, vulnerable, and transformational. The other is just survival with a better LinkedIn title. The world doesn’t need more polished personas. It needs real leaders – ones who are willing to get honest, dig deep, and do the hard, human work of creating healthy cultures.
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You don’t need to be perfect. You do need to stop pretending and performing.

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Bringing it home

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This isn't just about the corner office or your team's Slack channel. It's about how you show up around the dinner table, in hard conversations with your spouse, or when your kid melts down for the third time that day. Because leadership at home is often harder – and more revealing – than leadership at work.

At home:
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- You don't have a title to hide behind.
- Your family sees the real you, not the polished version.
- You can't delegate character. You are the culture.

Whether you're a parent trying to lead with consistency, a spouse navigating tension, or just trying to be a non-anxious presence in a chaotic household, the same questions apply:

- Where am I shrinking back or overreacting?
- What conversations am I avoiding?
- What kind of emotional environment am I creating?
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Leadership is less about what you say and more about who you are becoming and how you behave.
That's true in the boardroom. And even more true in the family room.

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For the one who's “not ready" yet

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If this all feels like too much – too heavy, too soon, too personal – that's okay. You're not behind. You're human. Start where you are. If change feels out of reach, try curiosity instead.

Ask:
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- What's one small place I've been ignoring that deserves attention?
- Who's one person I could listen to more openly—even if I don't agree?
- What emotion am I avoiding right now, and why?

Awareness is the first move. Action can come later.

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Still reading? You’re ready.

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If you’re waiting to feel courageous, forget it. Courage is feeling scared and doing it anyway. If any of this made you flinch a little, good. That’s where the work begins. Not in shame. But in the curiosity that says: “Maybe there’s another way.”

So here’s your challenge:

- Question everything.
- Start with yourself.
- Grab courage.

Lead from there.

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Let’s review...

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Three big ideas:

- Your leadership is shaping culture – whether you mean to or not.
- Performance isn't leadership. It's a mask many people wear.
- You can't fix what you won't face. You don’t have to face it alone.

Three simple action steps to grow your courageous leader muscles:

- Ask better questions, seek first to understand. Try: What kind of culture am I creating around me – at work and at home?
- Initiate one honest conversation with a teammate. A spouse. A child. A friend. Not to solve, but to listen.
- Reflect, don't react. Next time tension rises, pause. Name what you feel. Breathe. Then choose your next move.

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